Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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