return my video game
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize