i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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