you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
