this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
