Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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