You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
