So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
