so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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