I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize