Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
