Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
