Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
