Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish i was in the wii world.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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