Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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