evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
