I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
