It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
