hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
