Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
