Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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