I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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