I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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