Will you blow on my dice?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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