Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
