Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
