i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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