it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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