i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
