why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
