I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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