Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
