I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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