Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize