dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
