they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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