therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
