im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
