I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
