just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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