So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
