I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
