I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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