just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
sarcasm needs its own font
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
