why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
