On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
