ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.

  Fav 5 1377 745

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.

  Fav 44 4432 1929

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during

  Fav 21 3714 881

  share tweet
  

• (551): View more from New Jersey

  Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"

  Fav 85 5233 1426

  share tweet
  

• (530): View more from California

  just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life

  Fav 28 8139 1044

  share tweet
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.

  Fav 7 3505 1092

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.

  Fav 5 2161 933

  share tweet
  

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.

  Fav 10 2229 892

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?

  Fav 7 1109 828

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.

  Fav 4 573 1019

  share tweet
  

• (831): View more from California

  my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.

  Fav 1 1027 621

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (602): View more from Arizona

  he bit THROUGH my nipple

  (480): View more from Arizona

  plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.

  Fav 4 437 1068

  share tweet
  

• (646): View more from New York

  The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.

  Fav 2 606 206

  share tweet
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.

  Fav 0 140 172

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.

  Fav 0 45 15

  share tweet
  

Randomize