No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
