yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
