I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
