oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
