I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
