a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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