just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
