he wants to bone in the snuggie
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
