My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
