There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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