just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
