Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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