I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
