im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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