I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
