Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
