And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
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Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
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You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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