dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
